The Free Party Spits Upon Our First Amendment Rights

Recently, our class was rudely interrupted when Amy Stahl and Natalie Edmondson crept in with a video camera, a so-called clean campaign pledge, and dirty politics. Insisting that they were there to have our candidate, Colin Bain, sign their brief and unspecific pledge, they were aggressive and out-right rude in their manner. Despite learning that the Free Party was unwilling to take responsibility for the actions of their own PACs, Colin offered to collaborate on a new pledge that better represented the interests of the American people--one that ensured freedom of speech, a natural human right, rather than one that enforced censorship--but this was only met with more rudeness. Stahl and Edmondson fled the room after members of our party noted that they were skipping class to antagonize our candidate.

The State Party does not believe that the American people should have to fear being filmed without their permission, or being forced to sign things without a full understanding of the issues at hand. The Free Party, however, has shown themselves willing to violate these rights to further their own agenda.

Through the Free Party's desire to censor us, they have shown that they don't care about our rights of Freedom of Speech and Freedom of the Press. Do they care about yours?

Is Calvert Exploiting Unpaid Chinese Immigrants?

Our party members recently caught a fleeting glimpse of the real work force behind the Free Party's extensive campaigning. Our members were shocked to find this teenage boy, clothed in a grimy outfit and covered in filth applying tape to one of Pfannenstiel's signs. Is the Free Party exploiting Chinese immigrants for their horrendous campaign? You be the judge.

State Party Jingles by stateparty69

State Party Jingles by stateparty69

State Party Social Security: Protection Now and Always

The State Party agrees that social security is a good idea, but it is seldom well-executed.  The State Party has a strong stance against ‘dipping’: using funds meant for social security for other purposes.  Colin Bain has plans to fix the existing social security system, and implement reforms. Here's how:

In office, the State Party will introduce legislation to make sure that money that is allocated for social security is never spent in other ways.  In order to ensure social security for future generations, the State Party will raise taxes by a minute amount.  Yes, we realize that you don’t want to pay more taxes, but after the money in the social security ‘pot’ reaches a certain point, the taxes will be repealed.  In this way, the State Party will provide a permanent solution, which will keep the existing system for years to come.  If improvement is needed later, the State Party will be the first to acknowledge it.  Leading you into the future: Colin Bain.

An Apple-a-Day Healthcare

Are you tired of being sick and having nowhere to go?
Are you tired of not being able to pay for healthcare?

There is no longer a need to worry. With Colin Bain's Apple-a-Day healthcare, you'll get better healthcare provided by your government. With healthcare regulated at the government level, the quality of healthcare will be standardized. Doctors will be specially trained by the government and held to a higher standard than in the private sector. We will rid our beautiful nation of the corruption that stems from insurance companies and private doctors while providing you with a healthcare plan that everyone can get behind.

Apathy Reigns in the Free Party

Pfanatics. Pfannatics. sɔıʇɐuuɐɟd

Through the Free Party's disregard of consistent spelling, proper posting of signs, and the environment in general, the Free Party has shown that they really don't care. In fact, the Free Party has said nothing about their goals and plans for the future.

The only post that even addresses any of the issues on their website states:
"The Party intends to recycle all paper used in the course of the campaign. Calvert always says, 'Go big or go home in an environmentally friendly way.'"

Well Free Party, if you did not waste such large amounts of paper, we wouldn't have to "go big" when it comes to recycling.

The website also states:
"Calvert brings with him a strong desire to change Washington for the better by perusing an ambitious reform plan."

Unfortunately, simply "perusing" a reform plan will result in four years of inaction if Pfannenstiel is elected president. Please, do the right thing. Care about your future.

The Candidate: Colin Bain

Meet the candidate doing what he does best: engaging with the American Public to find out what people, just like you, are saying about the issues.